As I was driving home today I realized something, life isn't about me! Plan and simple. I am just being honest right now. I have been focusing on "my" life and not what's going on around me and what is really important. Life is about helping other people. It's about my son. It's about keeping my husband's memory alive. It's about witnessing to people about God's great grace, and enjoying life to the fullest. I need to remember this on a daily basis because, yes I have had something bad happen to me. Yes, something bad has happened to my son. I lost my husband, the love of my life, my best friend, and the father to our unborn son. My son lost his father, his future role model and so much more. I can list all kinds of things we lost when we lost William, but that is not the point. The point is life stinks sometimes and these unfair things are going to happen to us. Am I angry sometimes, YES. Who wouldn't be. But as I look around this world there ARE people that are worse off then us. They never had that one special person that loves them like William loved us. There are people out there that don't have Jesus in there life to pray to and to ask for guidance or except his grace when we need it. This is what I need to remember. I need to pray more. I admit I don't hit the alter every time during the alter call. Should I? YES. Why don't I? It's always in the back of our heads, " people will think that something's wrong with me if I go up there or especially if I go every time the pastor gives the alter call. I know that's what I think about. Why do we do that? That is giving glory to the devil and we definitely don't want to do that. I realize today that I need to hit that alter wide open, every chance I get. I need to fall in my knees during the day, first thing in the morning, and before I go to bed and pray. HARD. That God will keep forgiving me for failing him, which I do every day. To pray for my friends and family. To pray for the lost and hurting world. Pray for guidance that my focus won't be on me and what MY life is supposed to be like, but about what he is calling me to do for him, my son and other people. Do I think about my life and the "what if's?" Of course I do. What if William was here? What would life be like? I think about how unbelievably happy we would be. It hurts. Of course. Do I think about if I will ever be loved again by someone else or if I will grow old alone? Of course I do, but why. What is the point? I was loved by a man that's love will be with me for all of my days. He gave me enough love in the 10 years we spent together to last me a lifetime. I don't want to worry about these worldly things anymore. I want to do his will. Study his word. Praise him. Pray to him. This is what my life needs to consist of.
Lord, Please help me to be the Christain/witness you would have me be. Please let me be the mother you would have me to be. Let me do your will and not care about what people say or think. The only opinion that matters is yours God. And Lord, let us live life to the fullest like William did and enjoy each other. Thank you for what you are going to do in mine and Hunter's life. Thank you for all our many blessings, past/present/future.
